What they did was dumb. Would I have done that as a teenager? Yes.

Sanka, ya dead?

+2500 Scoville units.

A deeply mediocre team quarterbacked by Nick Foles isn’t exactly a big draw for the citizens of Los Angeles

You shouldn’t take a hammer to your iPhone, it voids the warran-

Hmm. Maybe I need to talk slowly here.

I don’t even want to look up what an “Alaskan Bus Ride” is. Whatever you have to do, I guess.

• Rohto Cool Redness Reliever eyedrops

This is going to be such a glorious shitshow.

If only cellphones existed in Buffalo back in the early 90's.

My friend Ray Finkel says that's an issue, but he doesn't seem trustworthy.

Excellent.

I’ve freelanced graphics with ESPN and with them putting in a logo is as simple as typing the schools abbreviation into the logo section. So mixing up NIU and UNI pops up the wrong graphic. Then graphics guy sees that logo and types Panthers instead of Huskies to match his incorrect logo.

Show him that it’s white girls stealing from a black guy. His head will explode, and presto! No father-in-law to deal with tomorrow.

Wow, so it saved you the trouble of digging your phone out of your pocket to show them the exact same QR code?

“I apologize if I offended him back then.

Shit, if only there was a movie quote I could steal to make a joke about this situation...oh well, back at it tomorrow.

Ted Cruz is that one guy on a night out who refused to get the bus with everyone else, and you’re stuck waiting around for him at the pub before the club for so long that you fuck off to the club (you call/text him and he doesn’t call back), only to get continuous texts with variations of “Where r u?” that you don’t…

You're like the Hamilton Nolan of milk. That's not a good thing.