The sadness is from being 40 and still watching these shows because you’ve seen every single season, and you’re not a quitter. Only now instead of relating to the shenanigans, it makes you fear for the future of your own nearly grown kids.

That sounds a bit more like amphetamines...DON’T ask me how I know.

My parenting advice after becoming one: not much can’t be fixed with a healthy bowl and a hot shower.

Weed.  That is all.

It’s literally the best. Also instant diabetes, but the best.

You now know one.  Love the stuff.

This is like me every time I walk into Trader Joe’s and realize it's not an actual grocery store so much as a giant snack pantry.

“This is why we had wallet chains.”
-Everyone from 90s Mosh Pits

As a mom who breastfed my first kiddo (until she started biting HARD at 11 months) and is currently 6 months into breastfeeding my second, I try very VERY hard not to judge these moms. Emphasis on try. However, once you’re into the 3 and 4 year old territory, I kind of wonder if this isn’t an extension of the whole…

That’s great and all, but how many days are in a week?

The 2018 albums I keep regularly returning to so far:

Little short toots are for people not paying attention at a light. This is a “psst” or “excuse me”

If you’re getting honked at more than once a year you’re probably a really bad driver. I can’t tell you the last time I was legitimately honked at. I honk at someone at least 3 times a week. People suck at driving and need reminded of this at any chance. Honking is strictly for my enjoyment. I couldn’t care less what…

I honk in anger at people who nearly hit me.

That’s what our au-pairs drive the kids around in.

We only drive G-wagens.

This is a good bad movie. Best part is Nicole Kidman screaming “let me out of the cock hole”

Not sure what you count as “normal,” but I’m 6' and my knees are often crushed if I don’t notice the person in front of me reclining. I’m able to adjust and straighten my legs under their seat to avoid that, but their reclining absolutely impacts the legroom of the person behind them.

I can relate. I once chased a sandwich vendor down the street yelling “open face sucks! Give me the other piece of bread, you cheapskate!”

And at half-time, looking at the bench, I couldn’t help but think that there was no one to come on and make this game any less ass for the US. I get that it was largely down to injuries, but this was one of the worst rosters the US has had in a qualifier in a long time.