2016 is a fucking mess, Patricia.

Colorado. Very middle of nowhere Colorado.

Shhh! don’t ruin my fucking fun.

...And thus began the terror as cellphone nation wide begin flying out of windows, injuring small children and pets indiscriminately.

Tape it to a ceiling fan. Bigger arc, plus more mass means the balance won’t be as screwed as a turntable meant for 75gram vinyl.