I used to joke in the late 90s and early 00s they had a machine they could plug mediocre players into and an hour later they’d pop out and play like all stars.

My favorite is “physical specimen.” If you can get a “physical specimen” who is “soft spoken” and has a “high IQ” you’re set. 

If the 18 year old reserve kid doesn’t send me an e-mail asking me to play him in the Champions League Final it’s already better than FIFA Career Mode.

Italian soccer also has a creativity problem. Every time there’s an article about Italian soccer people being racist as fuck, it always involves a banana. 

This is legit boomer brain that comes from consuming 12+ hours of TV a day. I have family who leave the TV on constantly (literally always in the background when they’re home) and they can not focus on one topic for any period of time. They’ll ask you a question and when you’re in the middle of answering, they’ll just…

if they’re looking for candidates, i know a guy who has a baseball background as a player and a business background as an exec for a video game company. he’s also got a real handle on social media and can probably procure state funding like a badass.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

STOP 👏 MAKING 👏 MODEST 👏 PROPOSALS 👏 THAT DON’T 👏 INVOLVE 👏 EATING 👏 IRISH 👏 BABIES

My wife doesn’t find most of the things I show her to be funny, but she sure did laugh at that. Those Jeep commercials broke her, she wants to see Jeremy Renner crash and burn now. Frankly, I kinda do too and the man has done absolutely nothing to deserve such spite, except follow his dreams. But I’ll be god damned if…

You gotta switch it up!

I’m betting he can afford to buy a second ticket to get back in, then show his previous ticket to get to his original seat. I’m also guessing that the ticket takers and ushers stop caring after about the 10th inning.

An ounce for $100? I sssune it's crap? That's way cheap. 

That’s insanely cheap. Must be Mexican grass from the 70's. 

This article makes some great points, though there is a very clear strawman false equivalency made here between Jay-Z, who in no way needed to do this, and Kaepernick who is being denied employment in his chosen profession.

“There’s no meaningful distinction between that and what Jay-Z has done with the NFL”

is that Kaepernick himself has already profited from the very same move Jay-Z is using now.

Refusing a free shot of whiskey is the LEAST Irish thing ever.

There’s no reason for anyone to have more than two guitars: an acoustic and an electric.

My top 5 in no particular order: Muhammed Ali, Hitler, Shakira, Ronald McDonald, Mao Zedong

After only two posts I know for an absolute certainty that you are a complete douche.