People talk about the return of the Evil Empire now that the Yankees are a legitimately good team again, but if they had really made a return to the style that made them so widely despised they would have already signed both Machado and Harper, and given Corbin his extra year or whatever the fuck the stumbling block…

If left alone without professional and social obligations, I’d go to bed around 1 or 2am and wake up around 9am (that is in fact what I’ve been doing during this glorious post-Christmas pre-New Years vacation). I get intensely, irrationally angry when Business Insider Success Dude of the Year 2018 implies that I’m a…

I think the worst instance of this that I can recall is (many years ago) Joe Buck describing a Brett Favre touchdown throw as a “December fastball.” 

I kept trying to get him to fight me but couldn’t, so eventually I just shot him in the head and left, though the next time I was in Valentine he was somehow still there.

The funny thing is that he’s fucking wrong about the other diseases he lists. Many kinds of cancer are brought on by activities that people choose to engage in, and there are clear links between dementia and both lack of exercise and alcohol consumption (so somebody should probably just off me when I turn 70 is I…

Nah. “This guy is a huge piece of shit and we don’t want him to ever get any attention or public recognition ever again” is a perfectly valid reason to deny someone entry to the Hall.

“Oh! We’re back in Portugal.” Then why the fuck does Colin Firth fly to Marseille? 

The biggest problem with your standard white collar 40-hour a week office job is that for the overwhelming majority of the workforce the actual amount of work they need to do varies a lot over the course of a year. Like, sometimes I actually do need 40 hours to get through all of my work in a week - at my busiest…

They definitely still believe in hell but have taken the theological position that actions influenced by mental illness aren’t black and white and are given special consideration by God in deciding whether or not they are sins and if so how big of a sin they are. Basically, God sends it to the league office for review.

In fairness, if your butt hurts putting lotion on it is probably pretty good advice. 

I’m always amazed when anti-union people argue that the union is going to make the business fail, as if typical union demands include unsustainably high salaries and benefits. Like, have you ever interacted with a union or someone who was in a union?

Man definitely go to the doctor regularly. I hadn’t been for a few years and then when I went last year the doctor told me I had dangerously high blood pressure and needed to go on medication immediately. Needless to say I see the doctor a lot more regularly now.

Pettitte is an edge case anyway (I’d vote for him, but I’m also a vile Yankees fan) so there’s a fair argument that he shouldn’t get in, but that argument is absolutely not because he used steroids.

Ah fuck you man now I have that dog’s song stuck in my head. I have known that there was a 60652 zip code in Chicago for literally longer than I’ve known where Chicago was on a map.

Live by the sword die by the sword. I’m usually not a fan of the “we need a tough guy who can’t play hockey to save his life in our lineup so that he can show some AGGRESSION on the ice” school of thought, but sometimes a player is so monumentally dirty that your only option really is to just lay him out.

Absolutely fucking not. Come on Lance. 

The omission was definitely intentional because it clashed with the story this dude wanted to tell. Even before this came out, when the internet was jerking off to how great this article was, I felt like it was just another in an exhaustingly long line of masturbatory think pieces from white journalists who agonize…

It’s much more fun to read the reverse article, when a good writer makes the case that a universally-revered player is actually very overrated, but outlets like Sports Illustrated and ESPN rarely publish those pieces because they tend to piss off the people they serve as loyal stenographers for.

Mostly accurate except that you have NYE way too high up. It’s second only to St. Patrick’s day in both the number of idiots in public who can’t handle their booze and the peer pressure to get out of the house and do something that always end in disappointment. 

There were definitely some Roman emperors who wouldn’t be out of place on a “most drunk world leaders” list. I mean, drunken debauchery was pretty famously Caligula’s whole deal.