The rivalries are fueled by the fact that there are only two high schools in Canada, and one of them sucks.

Didn't he also star in "Reacharound from the Top"? *Trebek writes billy boy's name on one of his blue cards; billy boy dies instantly of the strangling dingleberries*

"This is a song I wrote after my mom told me I had to be home at midnight, and it was totally a Saturday, and I'm like, 'fuck you, mom! Just because I live in your basement doesn't mean you can tell me what to do!'" *exhales toke into empty toilet paper roll stuffed with dryer sheets, listens nervously for mom's…

You're thinking of Little Whorehouse on the Prairie, by Laura "five-fingers" Wildsnatch.

Lions? More like cryin's, because that's what Monarch Park does when they lose. Because they suck!

My prairie high school had a Reach for the Top team, but I was too busy smoking weed in the penalty box.

The only person I knew who could speak Latin was a dorkus malorkus.

[scandalized tone] That's not French!

I really hope Leaside stuck it to Monarch Park—I just hate Monarch Park so much! Go Lancers!

"Regarding language, a curious analogy could be made of the fact that the most powerful telescope in the world has an eyepiece no larger than the human eye. Hey, do you still have that video of walruses fucking while "Eye of the Tiger" plays in the background?"

I'm sure that thought occurred to a lot of people, just as we ALL imagined that Treehead McBeardkid would will Jerry Lewis into his rootarium to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" to Bran.

Ha, so perfect. I never knew what that song was called.

*sultry, soulful saxophone wails plaintively*

♫ Every breath you take, every comment you make, every kid you eat, every name you delete, I'll be watching you ♫ *billy boy abruptly retires from commenting obsessively, starts his new, healthier obsession with injecting crystal meth into his eyeballs. Pants misses him sometimes, but he learns to hoist himself upon…

Is that a direct quote from Comic Book Guy? *dirtbike milkshake realizes the error of his ways, discovers upon some soul-searching that billy-bob-joe-jim means well, and the two of them bond over the awesomeness of Fred Eaglesmith*

That is exactly what I wanted you to take from my comment. Now open wide for some SOC-CERRRR!

This place is lousy with goddamn "fuck"s; I'm not kidding.

Ha, nice. Seriously, though, you're pretty damn funny. I mean, you're not mister pants funny…*ducks excrement thrown by mister pants, listens politely for a while to his guttural and plaintive howling*…but that's probably a good thing. My favorite comments tend to be ones that are really creative and original. …

Well, that's almost the right number of zeros. Good try! *gives upvote of pity*

You're certainly not trained. *ducks the excrement that mister pants starts throwing*