The best people.

Hear you. I lost my “second Mom” the woman who basically really raised me, to breast cancer, but I stand by what I said. I hate her.

Virtually everything she says makes me vomit.

Update (9:53 a.m.): Diniz has just collapsed on the course.

Commentator, in crisp English accent: Folks at home may be asking themselves, “How will he finish?” And, well, Depends.

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

I have the same gait when I have to poop.

The Extremely Friendly Confines.

I hope they’re keeping all of the Deadspin-related verticals. This guy may not be a fan of the Deadspin homepage anymore, but at least he can still come on the Concourse.

...just the tips.

“Why this place is a damn geographical anomaly! Two weeks from everything!”

Roy-t happened?

More like Adrian Parabola, amirite? *gets volleyball spiked in the face*

To celebrate, everyone in the green pool!!!

Doesn’t this entrepreneur have a self-sustaining business to run?

I’ve always been partial to the Iced variety.

Oatmeal Cream Pies in the refrigerator are a godsend.

Most of the Little Debbie catalog holds up well. My favorite were (and still are) the Nutty Bars, but Zebra cakes, Jelly Rolls, and even the Oatmeal Creme pies are still pretty tasty.

bro newsflash Cracklin Oat Bran intentionally looks like diarrhea, it's the best cereal on Earth we just didn't want dweebs like you taking our stash

This list does not contain Oh's, and is therefore invalid.