“There’s a lot of Halloween candy kids won’t eat. That’s why my friends down at the abandoned mill like to call the holiday “Good ‘N Plenty Christmas.” You can dig up a thousand uneaten Good ‘N Plentys at the town dump, no problem. And they don’t taste too bad once you get used to it. People now are too fussy. If you…

I look forward to putting all of the boomers in shitty, government run nursing homes staffed by robots.

“It was a sloppy, messy, nasty affair.”

What most people call “James Carville” is actually just limestone deposits left by microscopic organisms over millions of years

Carville replied, “Frog dont jump no fricasee gator run a slim jim.”

what a lot of people don’t know is that james carville is actually just the “fruiting body” of a much larger underground organism

Well folks, it finally happened. The NRA warned us all but I didn’t believe them. Last night as I was watching the debate there was a knock on my door. This startled me since I didn’t buzz anyone up. Maybe it was a neighbor who needed something? I ask who is it as I check the peephole and it was President Obama! At…

I manage a casino in Las Vegas, NV and I’ve trained my poker dealers to identify Trump supporters and make them bust on every hand.

INTERESTING CONSPIRACY THEORY CONCOCTED BY ME:

No less than a week after this erupted and I was left scratching my head wondering WTF, I read a wholly unrelated article about the history of Gucci, and they mentioned the term “pussycat bow”, as you say— whereupon THEN it made more sense! Possibly adding the syllable “-cat” at the end would’ve saved a whole lotta…

Schilling looks like the truck driver at the counter in some diner in the middle of nowhere ready to tell you how the world REALLY works, which they aren’t gonna teach you in some fancy college.

Sad!

Louie Gohmert is the absolutely dumbest peckerwood ever to stagger out of the piney woods of East Texas...and that’s saying a LOT.

I’m tired of my Facebook feed getting cluttered with false equivalency. “Both candidates are bad, can we get a do over? Lol!”

We don’t need to hear from both sides if one side is batshit crazy and their stance is indefensible. This is how Republicans are winning and manipulating the system. This is done for the sake of “good television,” and Trump supports get to go on the air and shout out talking points and memes to reinforce the “I hate…

“Our culture is filled with bars and strip clubs on every corner.”

Trump is effectively employing a brilliant technique with the media:

The real Skip Bayless is locked in a cell several hundred feet underground. There, his cruel captors siphon hot takes from his shattered mind 24 hours a day. Bayless huddles in the corner of his cell, naked but for a rough sackcloth and short length of hempen rope that he uses as a belt because it isn’t long enough to…

I feel like Al Roker had to practice not cackling gleefully when announcing that.