Goddamn.

Well, Cleveland, sometimes you gotta take a lot of figurative and literal dick punches before you make it. Congratulations.

On the one hand, I’m siked we don’t have to deal with a full summer of “LeBron isn’t a ‘winner’” hot takes.

Taint that the truth.

Well, duh. Where there are balls, there’s usually an asshole nearby.

Draymond Green is exploiting the market inefficiency of nut shots being too infrequent?

Breaking News: Draymond Green, with support from Peter Thiel, buys Gawker Media. Albert Burneko traded to BarStoolSports for used laptop w/ Windows 10 upgrade and one red stapler.

i miss the old bill simmons

Benevolent

So Ben Roethlisberger didn’t explicitly say no, and Donald Trump took that as a yes? Interesting…

“This isn’t a matter where I just haven’t decided yet; I will not be endorsing Trump,” Roethlisberger continued. “There are no gray areas here.”

Even a rapist has to draw the line somewhere.

A racist, a cheater, a misogynist, and a douchebag walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, Mr. Trump, we’re closed.”

Are you guys going to have to disclose your finances? Because, if this site were to ever go away, the last post would have to be Deadspin’s water bill.

FACK! THIS IS AHH DAHHK DAY FAHH THUH TAWMSTAH!

THEY MIGHT BE GREATRIOT-HATIN LIHBARAL-KAWKGAWBBLIN QUEAHS BUT THEYAH OWAH GREATRIOT-HATIN LIHBARAL-KAWKGAWBBLIN QUEAHS!

NO ONE DENIES THIS!

[cums eventually]

Burneko’s Twitter feed is, how do kids say it? Alight with a lot of exciting commentary.

The White Walkers

Getting served at the club: the cause, and now the result, of all of Johnny Manziel’s problems.