I almost choked on my oatmeal when I saw Ex Machina wasn’t nominated. Huhwut?

We’ll always have the hambone.

He is the best. I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before now (see, e.g., the Teaparty), but if Donald Trump as the presumptive nominee doesn’t scare the Republican party into getting their shit together, nothing will.

Peak Jezebel, here.

Los D-Backs sounds a lot like Los D-Bags with the proper Espanol pronunciation.

Mmm, Siberian Ice.

Detroit fan, obviously.

Thank God they use Oxford commas.

You’d think Denny Crane, of all people, would know that.

Who dat?

Pap photos? Like at the gyno? Link please.

This guy must be feeling great. What could go wrong!

Now look at what you just saw, this is what you live for. I’m a motherfucking monster.

Athletes going to rehab will forever be known as “Taking a Sabatical”.

Phew. Almost thought that pertained to a sport I care about.

Oh come on. That’s at least kind of funny, and certainly not offensive.

What are you talking about?

Until he discovered, it was the perfect lie! Genius!

All of the people (in)correctly spelling American Pharoah: https://twitter.com/search?q=”Amer…

This reminds me of my job running a software shop. Customers complain all the time about a deficiency in a product feature that was released TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO. What in God’s name did you do before you had that feature??