I finally got around to watching "The Book Thief", which confirmed my suspicions that death is British. It was pretty damn good, though [spoiler ahoy!] I may have to take bereavement leave to get over the death of Rudy.

*outraged crickets carrying placards jostle @Some Random Arsehole on his way out*

Oh, all the classic board games are full of subtle innuendo: Parcheesi, Candyland, Fuck That Dirty Whore…

I don't recall ever admitting that. *checks transcript*

Or date someone with fewer kidney stones.

Oh my god, dude, my girlfriend totally gave me a Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It was so freakin' hawt!

I choose to believe Idiot King is just getting in shape for the commie awards, drinking milkshake after milkshake while "Eye of the Tiger" plays.

The last peg hole is known locally as the stink hole, from which one must peg to win. Clearly, cribbage has always been the game of choice of the better class of filthy perverts.

*adds "lifestyle arguer" to his business cards, just below "custom tirades" and "personal invectivist"*

Oh, she knows all about my crazy schemes. "Yes yes, Pig," she says, ruffling my hair with her dainty hoof, "you will be a famous pig one day. It's just a shame that you're…so terrible. Now go to sleep!" *hands him cheese laced with Benadryl* The cows are French Canadian, like her, and yes she is also perfectly ok…

Fun fact: otters are used by fisher-folk in Bangladesh. The mother and father are kept on leashes as they swim, diverting fish from the rivers into the nets. The kids just follow the parents, so don't require a leash. The otters are paid for their labors in fish.

That's it! Something! Thanks very much—it's been nice (over)sharing with people today. The feedback today is inspiring me to do something along the lines you're suggesting.

So…the episodes that have Santa's Little Helper in them took place before they got Santa's Little Helper? *head explodes, people dance the Mexican Hat Dance around billy boy's blood-gushing neck*

Haaa! Carson is a total Captain!

Oh god I'm totally stealing incorporating that. Thank you!

Does your father-in-law wax eloquent about the hardships of his former life in The North during meetings that he's called? The Captain is a little like the eagle on the muppets, or maybe Col. Cathcart from Catch-22, I guess—he doesn't approve of anything deemed "highly irregular" or "not in accordance with…

Aw shucks. I tend to just do it for kicks, though maybe I'll write them down one day. I wish I could draw worth a damn.

Well the Huttermice (who live in the Quonset) also make the cheese from the cows' milk (under the supervision of the cheese-loving Pig, ostensibly). Pig eats most of the cheese, but the cows have some financial acumen (and green visors for when they're doing the accounts)—they hide some from Pig and The Captain (who…

There's been talk of having chickens on the farm, and Pig even built a hutch for them (well, really he got his Hutterite mice, the Huttermice, to do all the labor). The problem is that The Captain feels quite strongly that he should be able to eat any birds on his property, as Captain and noted Northern Dog. The…

It's more that Canadians have no confidence in the geographical knowledge of Americans, having been asked questions in the past like "so…where is Canada in relation to, say, Saskatchewan?"