Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!

#1: Pack a windae yerr goon oot!
#2: What in the blue blazes did you just say?
#1: My dear old egg, I apologize for lapsing into Glaswegian. I was simply stating my intention to defenestrate you, and I was offering you your choice of potential points of egress.

"Asshole diagnoses himself as asshole, in supreme asshole move"

That's tough but fair!

I'm looking forward to the release of his spoken-word album, "This Things I Believe".

"EEEEEEAT! BRUUUUUUUCE I mean LOOOOOOOORRRRNE ! EEEEEEAAAT!"

Come come, Mr. Bond, you know you enjoy watching the round buttocks and furrowed brow of Tom Cruise as much as I do.

On Disqus, they can be used to make fun of people who use them on Twitter etc.—a bit of the old satire, what what. When they're used in that context, I'll generously allow them.

I had a beautiful, unopened copy of Revenge of the Jedi on VHS, but when I found out the title was a misprint I smashed it with a bejeweled hammer and hucked it in the creek.

Always repeat! *prepares for next lives as tape worm and then assistant to Lorne Michaels*

And what happened then?
Well, the AV club folks say
That the small Herpes heart
Grew three sizes that day.

*nods head thoughtfully, snaps fingers in appreciation, goatee explodes*

Re rolling around on the floor: there's a carpet joke in there somewhere, but hell if I'm going to make it.

You can add spices to mayonnaise? *throws Big Gulp container, labelled "billy boy's old-tyme kentuckuh sippin' mayonnaise" out the window, lands on Xanderpuss*

I thought the guacamole joke & the imagined scenario of her not being corrected for years was pretty funny.

My early memories of him are bound up with watching tv with my parents—Mork and Mindy or talk shows. His rapid fire, ADHD humor didn't always land, but it was always a fun ride. I remember him on Letterman talking about the failure of Euro-Disney, and he launched into a French Minnie mouse: "Meekey: you have no…

"If your neck is incredibly red, you may be a redneck" - Kurt Braunohler

Shit. Now I know everyone's shit is real real right now…

My guess, which is almost certainly dumb, is that they're protesting the idea that there's anything you can do about anything (except accept god's will). They want to forget their families because those ties keep them from letting go and accepting whatever comes from god. I don't buy that they're total nihilists…

House of Parliament sauce. It's sort of a thick Worcestershire/bbq sauce, a.k.a. brown sauce, a.k.a. broon sauce. Stirred into tea by the truly Irish, if the movie Intermission taught me anything.