I puked from chemo last night... #humblebrag

Mario Mendoza is SO jealous!

The Spleen is pleased.

Darling - what do you have against punctuation?

This is different from years ago, when Sheets was left with useless Brewers.

I no longer wish to live in Montana.

But! Does he sell monogrammed coffee thermoses?

Mine's rather ... dramatic. Seven years ago, I was on a heavy duty medication that had the side effect of constipation. Only no one told me. And I didn't really notice because I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and tend towards it anyway. I had a couple severe bouts were I went days and days (like, maybe 10?), with…

I think I can win this.

so... did he know the way to San Jose?

That was so satisfying, why can't I BUY THEM. But seriously, all I could do was imagine it was this guy talking.

Schilling: I can't even control myself… this is horrible…take it off...TAKE IT OFF!!!

Can we confirm this nice package? <lets self out>

On my last day of work after being laid off, I peed in my brand new office chair.

If only your coffee shop offered monogramed coffee thermoses, they wouldn't have dared mess with you.

Adam Dunn: That's easy. Watch. I'm juxtapose to hit home runs, but I usually end up striking out instead. If I'm not shitting the bed, I'm probably dealing with consternation. Adam Dunn... more like Adam Dunnohowtotakeawalk, AMELIORATE?!!

(Apologies in advance for the bad joke)

What's up with their facial expressions? We have confused, grumpy, and terrified.

♫ ♪ When a fish bites your toe and he won't let it go, that's-a-moray... ♪♫

"as the historian Dio recalls:"