read it as Beartolo Colon

Pfft. What’s creepy now is the phrase “chocolate pudding pop.”

I take it this if your first time reading Jezebel.

Is this middle-aged Beavis or middle-aged Butthead? I always get them mixed up.

When asked to comment, the Minion said “What the @#$%? I did what any other @#$! Minion would have done. Also, that little girl broke my !@#$.”

Burger King of Kings

For some reason, I want a salad right now.

Everyone who Skittled their Facebook profile is going to be sad.

They require a huge go down on payment.

Stories about Gary, IN prove nothing. That’s like using stories about Austin, TX to prove that Texas is a tolerant state.

I wish you would have used the picture of her and the orange wallpaper.

Bless you, my son.

“That’s about all I need to know about Nikki Haley damn near every politician.”

Damn straight re: flip phone. Can I repost so my wife can read this?

Have you also been thinking a lot about why you still live in your parents’ basement?

This makes so much sense. All those 40 yr old dudes having their midlife crisis in 1989 are now approaching retirement and desperately trying to turn back the clock.

Maybe. Afterward, will she fall over while attempting to light a cigarette?

Eh, I hope Will has not jumped the shark on this one. Lifetime movies are already hilarious.

Dingy ate my baby!