My wife is short (5'2") and insists on putting her feet up on the passenger dash. I’ve told her numerous times that if we are in a collision the airbags will cripple her, and that I will not be pushing her around in a wheelchair if this happens because she wouldn’t listen. To no avail.

And yet when I decided to sell my 15-year-old Windstar a couple years ago, people were frantic to buy it. I must have got 15 calls from Craigslist people, a couple even offering my asking price sight unseen. In retrospect perhaps I should have asked for more than $1600.

Yeah, if we go away for more than a day or two I bring some fruit for the room.

You know what the funniest thing about rights costs for ESPN and the rest? They pay a fortune for these premium events because they are supposed to be the only thing young men watch live, therefore they don’t timeshift and skip through the commercials. But do they seriously believe a single person is sitting there…

Mets are the only team I really care about. I was casually indifferent to the Yankees, and wished them well in ‘95 and ‘96. Started getting tired of them by ‘97 as their fans became more and more insufferable, and by the time their steroid-laden mercenaries beat us in 2000 I hated them with white-hot rage,…

It happens.

You are doing it good all around, especially being charitable with your son. Nice job.

My girlfriend and I were hanging out in her apartment on a hung over Sunday; I’m watching the Mets and she’s reading or something. She suggests we make with the boning so I turn the game off, and she was puzzled. I told her it felt weird having sex in front of Ralph Kiner and Tim McCarver. She thought I was insane.…

We had our first big fight as a married couple, and then when it was bedtime my wife was all “What are you doing in here?” “Uh, going to sleep.” “Not in here, go sleep on the couch!” “Get the fuck out of here, I have to get up for work tomorrow. What do you think this is, the movies? I’m not sleeping on a couch. …

Things adolescent boys used in the late 70s:

Sick burn, but my point still stands. She has money for an iPhone but not a couple of bucks for birth control. Or the time to get free condoms in the thousands of places they are handed out. Or the brains to say “Hey D’Antne, not in there!”.

Condoms are free. So is not having intercourse.

Condoms are handed out like candy on Halloween, everywhere. These kids having kids are fucking morons. Literally.

I was in Chicago for business and got an Italian beef + sausage hero. I almost sent a letter home to my wife saying “Sell the house. Sell the car. Sell the kids. Find someone else. Forget it. I’m never coming back. Forget it.” 

What condiments are you putting on Italian sausage? Because if you are applying any, you’re doing it wrong. Peppers and onions. Nothing else. I had a college friend from upstate NY visit for a weekend and he put mayo on a sausage-and-pepper hero. This was 30 years ago and my family still talks about it. True…

You encounter a lot of goyim named Shelly?

Brutal, oppressive, and necesssary.

Good luck trying to get people to listen to common sense.

Opie and Anthony were solid as well. I remember at one point a couple days after, management was encouraging them to stop all the talk and get back to playing records (at the time they were more traditional DJs) and they absolutely roasted management for that. “We just had the worst terrorist attacks in our history…

“As far as I know, Francesa is still the most popular local sports radio host in the country.”