Maybe don't name an animal after the cut of meat it will soon be?

He drank your lemonade? What an asshole! Because I practice criminal law, I'm going to correct you and call it a burglary. Robbery is when you take something from the victim by force or threat of violence, but stealing shit from a house is burglary. I'm very sorry that you had your castle violated by an asshole with…

My Minnesota Target was full of LP housewares and beach towels, and the clothes were only mildly picked over. Midwesterners apparently don’t give two shits about LP. People here think Coach bags are the height of fashion.

According to the Internet (so it must be true) she gets 23,000 per month. 276k doesn't go far in Beverly Hills. Kyle and her husband have helped her out, too.

Tamra is such a narcissist. When her adult son told her he was moving, she bawled, “but what about me?” No wonder her teen daughter wants to live with her dad (another horrific person).

I do feel sorry for her. Her two sisters are so wealthy and have stable families, and Kim's finances and life are in the shitter. Her brain is pickled from alcohol, and her skin is incredibly damaged from the sun. When Brandi is your only friend, something is seriously wrong with your life. I hope she can get it…

Every jury is instructed that what the attorney says is not evidence. Hope the jury didn't base their verdict on the bonehead defense strategy.

I think it looks like a guido’s idea of a Disney castle

These L A girls think early Botox is preventative.

It's pretty obvious Bravo doesn't give them a wardrobe allowance. I thought Stassi looked dumpy, Scheana was self-conscious about her boobs falling out of her dress, and the other girl's maroon lace number looked like an 80's thrift store find.

Everyone's outfits at the reunion were laughable. Particularly Tom's purple shirt and velvet jacket.

I think it was a Rolls.

I hate black eyeliner and I get it every month! No tea bags, thank God.

someone needs to do a parody with Donna from Park and Rec giving Christian the reading he deserves.

"Who gonna check me, boo?"—Michelle

What comes around, goes around. The floor of your restaurant.

My nine year old asked why the two were together with a heart at the end. "That makes no sense". I told her I didn't know because I don't speak Swedish. Guess we should have "the talk" soon.

When I was little, I wanted to have triplets and name them Linda, Melinda, and Belinda.

She is standing in front of her home's front doors, which look like the gates to Guido Heaven. Probably cost 8 grand. Gaudy ain't cheap.

Bring back Danielle!