This is why sports suck sometimes. You grow up your entire life dreaming you're going to be the one to hit the big shot and win the game, only to find out that girls play basketball.

Miko....That’s....That’s not how birds work at all.

Except for when he sat his bare ass on that female trainer’s face in college.

Sure except for that time he held down a female trainer and teabagged her.

When I started reading this story I was on the toilet, but I found it so raw and edgy that I fell off the toilet and shit myself. Then, laying on the floor in a puddle of Christmas shit, I took a selfie. I then made that shit selfie the wallpaper on my phone and computer. Cuz I'm twisted and dark, just like Jared Leto.

Doesn’t Donovan lay out a pretty defensible criteria? People who “identity” as American? That hardly seems xenophobic to me. In fact, it seems like a reasonable definition of a national team. I don’t think either was saying US players need to be born here, or that somehow Johnson isn’t a US citizen and deserving of…

Can anyone confirm if Haisley is paid by the word?

The most incorrect thing about this column was that Diana Moskovitz referred to herself as a reporter.