Strangers always have the best candy.

Will there be candy?

Did someone say sweet tea?

I couldn't get up for The Edge Of Seventeen mostly because the main character in the film is completely unlikable.

Why can’t John McClane throw Drumpf from a window 30 floors up?

Don't worry, every sound cloud has a silver lining.

I don’t mid the political stuff so much. Hell, I’m just as disenfranchised with the state of things as anybody else… I guess sarcasm doesn’t play as well when it’s written…? People tend to take every little thing literally and the next thing you know you’re in a pissing contest.

I’ve noticed a bit of hostility in the air the past few days. Bums me out because this is usually a fun hang.

Yes! That's where else I know her from.

I'm sure Dateline NBC is getting right on this.

The Rock and Patton Oswalt would be the only Twins remake I would ever watch.

You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Wanna buy a monkey?

Is this a bit?

This should be everyone's reaction when ass bag attempts to shake their hand.

To be honest I still think toots are hilarious.

I was 13, my sense of humor wasn’t as refined as it is now.

I once gave my mom a Mother’s Day card that read “Thank you for being a good mom. No one ever had to call Child Protective Services on you.” She didn’t think it was funny.

I know that as a movie geek I’m supposed to worship at the altar of Luc Besson, but I hated the Fifth Element and the trailers for Valerian hurt my face where my eye holes are.

Did you just quote MC Hammer?