I'm an old man so naturally I want to punch all of these guys in the dick hole.

The one in the yellow plaid shirt looks like Adam Carolla.

Is that a peninsula in your pocket…

I was going to say maybe the police will come to a different conclusion after reviewing tape of the incident but then I remembered which country we live in. #MakeAmericaRapeAgain

She's very Cro-Magnon.

Nope, nope, nope, most of these movies are just bad. There's a fine line between guilty pleasures and people being stupid.

What an asshole. Can't wait for a world leader to blow off one of his handshakes. Just shake his head and be like, no thanks. Of course the next day there will be a hole where Barbuda used to be.

I'm sure she's known about this for decades. She's just as guilty of rape as he is. I hope they rot.

One night I got up to pee and I dozed off in the middle of. I woke up peeing all over my bathroom floor. Sucks to get old.

Geez, thanks apples, now I want to kill myself.

With any luck Gay Perry will show up at his death bed and slap the taste out of his mouth.

I was tickled by Great News so I'm glad that it's coming back. I wasn't familiar with Briga Heelan until this show but I'll gladly join the "I have a crush on Briga Heelan" club.

HA! HA! He looks like his mommy combs his hair for him!

Have you seen Last Man Standing? I realize it's a character he's playing, but still…

The Mummy (turd)

James Brown hasn't worked in years.

“Only the working class gets itchy asses.”
- Billy Connolly

I'd argue that the reason why you wouldn't pick something off Sgt. Pepper to play over a movie scene is because it's too damn expensive.

Everywhere you turn there is super successful people that worked twice as hard to be half as good. Hang in there.

News Flash: The Mummy is as bad as they say. I was hoping for a critical over reaction, but nope, it was stinksville.