Jared Lorenzen needs to get his boy some more practice at the charity stripe.

Somewhere, a Florida land developer fondly recalls the time he tortured Mark Brunell’s bank accounts to death.

“BREAKING: Goodell Suspends Syed Farook Nine Games”

I’d have understood if he slid in-bounds because he was about to get hammered, but at the point that he slid, he could have just turned 90 degrees right and ran out of bounds.

And the QB slide to stay in-bounds?!?! What the ever-loving fuck???

My dog would probably either pick the food dispenser up and drop it a couple of times until it breaks and the food spills out, or just chew through the plastic until he reaches the jackpot. The only thing he uses his tiny brain for is to figure out elaborate ways to get to food.

My dog would probably either pick the food dispenser up and drop it a couple of times until it breaks and the food…

This is kind of like the opposite of the Cowboys this week, where the GM had to keep Greg Hardy from cutting a coach.

Campaign for Houston was pleased upon first reading the news, but their satisfaction quickly turned to disappointment when it became apparent that the extra space in "trans action cancelled" was a typo.

“Hey, it’s gotta be a hanger.”

Now that I see it in action, I’m on board with Trump building a wall to separate the rest of us from the Browns.

The story is that Dewey is WILLING to be president.