Official statement by Ryan Lochte:

Now this, I’ll buy.

Lochte needs to use the head the porcelain god gave him and come down off his throne to the American standard public the truth: no moen lies, Ryan.

I thought the one running for president was enough for now.

Accurate representative of an overaged frat bro feeling entitled to pee on a dude’s wall, because the people there seem poor.

I understand your concern but don’t know why you’re implicating me in all this.

Now we now why the damn pool turned green

That comedian lied about being in 9/11 for no reason. Stranger things have happened.

not saying he did/didn’t make it up, but the dude is dumb as a sack of potatoes. to presume what would go on in a head that stupid is impossible for an intelligent person to comprehend

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool...

You can barely seem them nipples...

I enjoy someone willing to dive into the deep end of fish puns just for the halibut.

Well if we don’t get to watch the big Turkey-Morocco fight what’s even the fucking point of having the Olympics?

that’s insulting to 7-year-olds ;)

Lewandowski’s “well I didn’t say that, YOU brought it up” is some elementary school bullshit. Is the Trump campaign perhaps actually being run by groups of two seven year olds stacked on top of each other with a trench coat?

Look at the stars. See how they shine for you.

Even if he was an affirmative action admission all it would prove is that affirmative action kicks ass and is worth the investment, because we got Barack Freaking Obama out of it.

Then again it’s Chicago so there are plenty of other bullets to be dodged.

No better way for the athletes to get the true Rio experience than by living in favelas.