I’ll just leave this here:

Stop it. Keef is immortal. He’s ensconced in amber for all times.

a true fact is that American Girl is one of the best songs ever written, I’m going to listen to it and cry now

Most of you have probably already seen this but for those who haven’t, this is the single time it’s appropriate to use the phrase YES KWEEN:

Are you suggesting that I should care about black people being brutalized and killed by the police when I’m EXTREMELY BUSY worrying about what is going to happen to all the pets affected by Harvey, Irma, and Maria?

“With All Disrespect” would make a great album title…

K.J. Apa, who is currently making headlines because he fell asleep at the wheel after a 14.2-hour work day and crashed his car into a light pole.

Ugh are we doing Christmas again this year? Give it a rest, guys.

In Deadspin comments, joke misses you!

If you’re worried about world population growth, better to focus on global investment in women’s education. That is proven to bring down birth rates drastically without anyone being a dick about other people’s reproductive choices.

I’ll never be over it. I was 18 during the ‘08 campaign, and I walked in the rain to my polling place off campus. I cheered and cried with my friends in the theater house when the results came in. He was the first president I ever got to vote for, and damn was it a good way to start—with a man who looked like me, and…

Nothing drives me crazier than when people say “we” or “they” are pregnant. No, SHE is pregnant. HE is still drinking alcohol and wearing his normal clothes and sleeping on his stomach and not having strangers try to touch his belly in public.

as this is the internet, i suspect by this time next year we’ll all be driving down Freeway McRoadFace.

I find it’s similar with wines. The bouquet of the wine seems improved as it goes from the box and onto the cubes.Also, the fruit notes seem improved, a little sharper, as the wine goes from straw to tongue.

I have it on good authority that she only converted for the jokes.

IMPEACH THIS MOTHERFUCKER! We must march for his impeachment because the goddamn treason-abetting GOP will not do it. It’s clear they will watch any horror, pardon anything from this diseased, hateful orange babboon. I don’t care what it takes, I’ll do it. I was just at a goddamn city vigil for the dead and wounded of…

I hate the Penguins as much as the next decent person, but goddammit, Phil Kessel is a national treasure.

Also, this.