Could we stop talking about the wife bonus like it’s a real thing? We have absolutely no evidence but this one woman’s rather dubious claims.

If sweatpants send her into a murderous rage, how will she react to orange jumpsuits?

I officially have the world’s worst Jack. She’s the best dog I’ve ever had but she just can’t Jack Russell. She just lays on the couch all day. When we go to the dog park, she just lays in the shade all day. She was rescued from a puppy mill, but she’s determined to live out the last half of her life as a dog of…

oh hells yes. hells fucking yes.

I’m so glad someone else on this planet has a rich fantasy life that heavily features Overboard.

DON’T SHOOT UNTIL YOU SEE THE WHITES OF THEIR DRONES

Remission of Love

The bad part is I could totally see it being the premise for a Hollywood rom-com. “Meg Ryan thought she was gonna be dead in two years when she promised Tom Hanks a date in five years. Now she’s a survivor who’s finally ready to live, and he’s a hopeless romantic with a heart of gold. Coming to theatres this November,…

Thank god. I was heading to the lake this summer and needed inflatable speakers, an rc boat with a cup holder, and a floating trampoline.

May I suggest....

Too bad because you’re getting this:

Hmm...I can probably stabilize my leg(s) with these until I get to the hospital.

Jesus. After all the crying babies on the airplane, you’d need a pillbox that big.

Oh, thank Goddess. I hadn’t purchased my Orbitwheels yet!

I’m not gonna lie, I read the hell out of the Skymall magazine on each flight. It was the only thing that helped with my flight anxiety. The plane could be taking off in crosswinds with the wings all over the place and all I could think about was how badly does one have to shit if you need a toilet paper dispenser…

These will haunt my nightmares.

I’m putting this thing in my purse in case anyone has a headache and I can offer some Advil.

YOU’RE ALL GETTIN BASHFUL YETIS, JEZEBEL

only if the glass isn’t hand crafted masonware