FLOATING KITTEN!

She must be thinking about salad....

Can you say Librium?

I’d like to be adopted by Ina Garten. Her voice is so soothing. When I’m really depressed, I just want to listen to her talk about roasting a chicken, and reassuring me about how easy it is to entertain guests who drop by.

Ohh :( I’ll be your retroactive Mommy if you’d like. No organized linen closets, but I bake my own bread and I have doggies and I wouldn’t care if you tromped through the house in muddy boots to grab a freshly baked cookie.

Yoko does the same thing my elderly aunt does when she sends texts and signs her name at the bottom of the message.

Yoko. We know.

DO NOT go to Pinterest for recipes. You try to make a simple cake and then this happens.

I’d be a hatepinner too if I ever got off here long enough to check out, well, anything.

Terry DuBrow would already be your third boob.

I feel that way about all those names but I have hooked up with a Barney so wtf do I know

The answer is, go to Tijuana for your plastic surgery.

Why isn’t Beyonce Number 2?!

After learning that his brother is Kevin Dubrow, frontman of Quiet Riot, I just hear “Cum On Feel the Noise” whenever I see his face.

In my defense I would do literally anything for discounted plastic surgery.

I just googled “Nassif Dubrow fanfic” and good news, nothing popped up! Ellie, get writing.

I just flaunted my ability to eat most of a large bag of Doritos at work. I am just like Stars.

US Weekly is my go-to when I want to flaunt how goddamned bored I am in the dentist’s waiting room.

My husband never cries, or rather cries once every few years (usually the death of a loved one). I usually cry at the very least once a week, if not more (I’m emotional).

Held together really well until my Dad gave me the St Christopher he was given by his Grandmother when he joined the Royal Navy. Said it kept him safe long enough to see me get married, and now it was going to keep me safe. Did so well until then! After that, it was open season for tears!

I just asked Mr. Hells if he cried at our wedding, but he says not from happiness... ass.