When I was about 12 I was in line at the airport with family including my then-SIL. This woman behind us was crowding us trying to squeeze past us like we wouldn’t notice. My SIL looks at the woman and says something and the woman has this whole story about how she has to meet a group of deaf children at the…

Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

This is gold. Fed up service industry workers really do have some of the sickest burn skills.

Fairly recently me, my siblings and my parents were sitting around and in a sign of how we can now all talk like adults we were sort of telling “The most fucked up I’ve ever been” stories and my sister, who had a bit of a wild adolescence, tells a pretty horrific story. My mother, who was the least enthusiastic about…

burns are great but reactions are better

No, it’s Becky.

I've been using AHAs for about 20 years now. I usually stick to glycolic acid. I'm way old but have no lines around my lips (I did when I started on the AHAs).

The potential for humblebragging here is endless.

A woman RAN up to me at a music festival a few weekends ago, whipped off her sunglasses and asked “Were you sitting next to me on a flight from Phoenix to New York a few days ago?” Dumbfounded I told her it wasn’t me and she kept swearing that it was. I told her I hadn’t been to Phoenix in over a decade and she said…

Yeah, I was pretty taken aback! I felt like saying “Well, how about YOU change your Cheeto orange bowl cut, Madame Conrad?” (And then she would have told me to say it in French. And then sent me to the principal’s office.)

'(A) a movie date, at which Cai didn't know how to handle me crying at Interstellar, and at which I tried to explain myself with a mixture of horrifically rudimentary Mandarin and gestures, and ended up tearfully exclaiming something along the lines of "THE PAPA LOVES MURPH"'

Is that...a sexy Mary Poppins???

How about this one?!

Taylor Swift’s friends say “no more cats!”

Please take me out of the grays! This is really good!!!

I was dancing in a crowd when a fast-paced song started playing. I start dancing faster, having a good time, notice more people watching me. I close my eyes and do a weird hair-whippy thing.

This isn’t embarrassing for me, but more for the rest of the school.

Like most people, I was an gangly teen- all pimples and limbs and braces. I had a huge, super nerd-girl crush on someone I’ll call Joe. Joe was a year older than me even though he was in the same grade, and had bit puberty sooner as a consequence, so was more man-than-boy shaped. Ravelston likied.

One look at time on…

I was the ONLY friend in my circle who didn’t have a date to prom; which was fine since I had the type of girlfriends who couldn’t give less of a fuck about that sort of thing. We would all dance with each other’s dates and made it more of a communal experience.