Nope. You can't have Joni. Sorry. We still need her here. I've heard that Madonna is available. Maybe try there.

Have you noticed a man walking behind you like this:

This is more of a "I had no excuse," story, but a few years ago I was working at a newspaper and my buddy the cops reporter was doing a ride along that day with the police for a seat belt enforcement event. So we talked about this for awhile and then she and the photographer left to meet the cop and right afterward I…

When my mom was pregnant with me she worked for the attorney general of our state, in the department of corrections. She was one of the few, maybe even the only, female attorneys there. She had planned to work all through her pregnancy, but the last week or so she called in.

A kid who was late to my class once said that he was helping someone out of a burning building. I laughed and told him to take a seat. You have to begrudgingly admire someone with the chutzpah to try to pull off such a dumb and blatantly made up excuse.

Good luck! I met my husband on match.com. There are still some odd ducks on paid sites but overall better.

If it matters to anyone then they don't deserve you. It would not matter to me at all.

I haven't tried online dating so I have no insight about picture vs person-in-the-flesh expectations, but I'm hard of hearing too! :D I doubt someone would feel tricked that you didn't mention it in the profile, but it wouldn't exactly surprise me if you had to deal with a little bit of audism once you do mention…

well how 'bout you keep that to yourself, sweetcheeks? the pissing contest is a safe space. people tell their stories and we are compassionate and don't judge them in return.

It's a carp!

what do you get when you cross my grandma with an octopus? I don't know either, but boy can it play bingo!

I AM SO FLIPPING STOKED, YOU GUYS. IF YOU CLICKED ON THIS JUST TO COMMENT THAT YOU DON'T LIKE THE SHOW CAN I SUGGEST THAT YOU MAYBE DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH YOUR TIME?

Hey hockygrrl4, I just wanted to write to say I can't imagine the anger and pain you're feeling at your son right now. It sounds like you are being very boundaried and ethical with him, which is the kinder thing to do. People who love each other don't let them get away with evil shit. You don't want him to suffer, you…

Yeah, let's! You go elsewhere with your boring morals. :-P

The happy newlyweds were walking from the altar when the priest took the mic and said : " Hurry up! I have another wedding coming!"

Nothing "ruined" my wedding- it was a great day, we had a blast, we're still married almost 10 years later with our second child on the way...

Oh, I have one! I brought my toddler to a wedding. It did not go well. I had asked my friend if it was okay, and she said, sincerely, that he was welcome.

I had drunk bridesmaids and groom's sister in fist fight, then suddenly, when drunker, they were becoming blood sisters in the bride room. Also had my BIL tell me we shouldn't have kept the wedding date the same since their mother died 6 month to the day prior.

Didn't post this because it's not "my story" but I will now!