I literally made this face when he said the Goldie Hawn video is different than Miley:

The picture of Old Conservative White Dude summer camp you painted here is going to entertain me all day.

There are many more independents and liberals here in the heartland than Mike Huckabee wants to admit. He already knows it but that just didn't fit on the banner that he fingerpainted with Scott Walker and Rick Perry during Arts and Crafts hour.

I'm thinking the former and she is preparing the way for a tell all book and born again feminist lecture career.

As a representative of the "American Heartland" woman, in my forties, I hate to break it to M. Hucks, but we've been smoking, swearing, fucking, and drinking in the flyover states for quite a while now. Wearing pants, voting, showing our ankles, the whole shebang. It's like we think we're people or something.

Either her contract is up soon or her contract is bulletproof.

I can't help but be oddly suspicious of this and the last-minute abortion-vote cancellation in the House last week (credit given to House Republican women) - like it's all part of some grand scheme to make people think, hey, the new, younger Republican women are okay! The party's turning around! And then there's…

Whenever Mike Huckabee speaks, I want to make a jack-off motion with my hand.

Someone broke Megyn Kelly and I'm loving every. fucking. second.

agreed female customers are generally the worst.

I'm always suspicious of the "they enjoy their work" line, because really, does anyone enjoy work? I mean, I'm sure some people are all kinds of fulfilled by what they do. But I've worked in the service industry for years, and it sucks. Especially when you have rude, entitled asshole customers. And I imagine strippers…

I've totally been in the second category. Not because I was trying to save the relationship, exactly. It was a new relationship, and I really wanted to prove what a chill girl I was. So we were hanging out with a couple of his buddies one night and one of those buddies had just gotten back from Afghanistan. So…

I forgot about that! Yes, I charged double, but only because I couldn't charge triple. The girls were the ones whose hands you had to watch. They had the idea that their having their own vag was a get-out-of-jail-free card they could exchange for honking the bird (running out of euphemisms here).

But I'm not just throwing it away. Throwing it away would be me betting on the ponies.

Yeah, I'm sure there are lots of perfectly reasonable and friendly lady customers at clubs. I always seemed to get the bad apples, I guess, and the wilder partiers, maybe more than other strippers? That was my experience, anyway.

Thanks— I'd love to write full-time, but my mom still phones me up to hiss at me every time she finds a swear word on my fb. Stoopit fambly, ruining my dreams and making me go to bed.

...ANY kind of sexual objectification.