Cackling at this. Who is this man and how do I make him taste more unsavoury things???

"My inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves"

After seeing this David Tennant gif all I can think of right now is writing a fan fiction called "The Tongue of the Time Lord"

This is the first snippet I've read from the book...

I had heard it was poorly written, but holy hell, I could barely make it through that entire excerpt. I can't believe people could make it through three books of that.

Are you trying to say yelling "gee willickers!" mid-coitus isn't sexy?

I wrote better smut as a 15 year old. This is just god awful.

I cannot even fathom that those words have been printed and bound for consumption by functioning humans. Oh. Jeez. OH FUCKING JEEZ.*

I knew it was based on fan fiction but I had assumed that a bestseller would have writing slightly better than a 15 year old's Livejournal. My bad.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Like, is that serious writing? My God, people are fucking stupid.

Wait, that's a real passage from the book? That's actually what the writing is like? Dear lord I'm embarrassed for our society.

my only thought was "why is her string blue?"

See, it is literally impossible to make Dakota Johnson memorable in any way whatsoever.

I mean, yes, I am a nightmare hag and also fuck me

Nightmare hag is going to be my new OKCupid handle. So don't steal it, Anna.

(Profile pic: Nightmare hag from Wikipedia)

youre a bitch. i bet some poor, nice fucking girls in axo are freaking the fuck out during their FIRST WEEK OF CLASSES because your article now reigned hell on their sorority. i bet theyre having to deal with their nationals and will be getting shit on as a chapter for the next two fucking years. honestly fuck you.

Are you sure it wasn't Kappa Kappa Kappa?