Why is everyone always having Gatsby-themed birthday parties and weddings? That book is about terrible people being terrible! All of Gatsby’s fabulous parties are just a cover for his miserable, lonely life built on a foundation of lies! It is not an aspirational tale!

WHY DIDN’T ANYONE THINK OF THIS BEFORE

“The Meagles are a cold people.” <3

The moral of the story is, don’t run.

I made a mistake in the state (because Kansas City is not in Kansas) and want to let everyone know that if there’s a Dearborn in Kansas, the residents don’t deserve the criticism.

“Paden’s adult son, Anthony, has also been charged with sodomizing the victim. His case is currently pending.”

Dear Entire Town of Dearborn, Kansas,

She’s got Smug Lentil Bride written all over her.

#DeathGoals

My grandmother’s brother had a story like that. Back in the 60’s, he was going to town late at night to pick up his son from work. His wife was tired and didn’t want to go with him, so he went alone. Driving on the county roads not too far from where they lived, he saw a woman on the side of the road. After he had…

You guys are jerks. I’m home alone. I want to read these so bad but I am such a coward. I can’t do it until my mom or husband get home to protect me from whatever evils you’re about to unleash upon my imagination.

A toddler blow job joke. Hilarious.

Nothin’ like a good insinuation-of-two-year-old-performing-fellatio-like-her-slut-mom joke!

FYI the code Boo doesn’t work at the GAP for 40% of your entire purchase. The code FESTIVE, however, will give Cardmembers 40% off.

FYI the code Boo doesn’t work at the GAP for 40% of your entire purchase. The code FESTIVE, however, will give…

I wish you would show pictures of everything. I get why you don’t, and for the usual kinja deals it’s fine - a description is all I need, but for apparel a picture seems pretty important so I don’t have to click through every link.

I wish you would show pictures of everything. I get why you don’t, and for the usual kinja deals it’s fine - a…

I have a basket of “Ipsy rejects” under my bathroom sink that gets delivered to my daughter’s dance school when it gets full. Some of the makeup I get is perfect for recitals and competitions (I prefer neutrals and sometimes get things that are too bright or just the wrong color), and the fragrance samples and other…

EXCLUSIVE BTS LOOK:

@CrustyCanuck: People from Canada come to Chicago in the winter for a warm climate?