Put a sign on your door that reads: “All Mormons who knock on my door will be baptized, without their consent, as Catholic.”

Monogrammed Thermos™ does both!

I had a friend who REALLY loved wasabi. Whenever we went for sushi, they’d keep giving him more as he could cheerfully eat it straight.

This lovely man came in every day, I burned his bread, and he left a $5.00 tip on a $4.00 meal. One time, he heard me (quietly, I swear) talking to another waitress about how I couldn’t afford to have my other cat spayed yet, and when he left, I found $100.00 under the cup for my cat.

The writing on that one is the BEST. I lost it at fleeing the great Fucks Famine of 2015.

No, you’re crying.

OH GOD. I haven’t even finished reading but that Funky Town story has brought actual tears to my eyes.

What he means - is in his flawed universe - because she never screamed at him = weakness = losing.

I saw that interview and the only thing he won was the Dipshit of the Day who can’t back up his own rhetoric award.

I love Jon Stewart so much that I fully expected to find Noah a pale imitation, but he's been killing it. I feel much better about this election season knowing I'll still have TDS to get me through it.

Loved Trevor Noah’s debate coverage and supposed liberal bias.

It’s such a relief, really. Now we need the same thing to happen to Huckabee.

Ahahahah he totally is a gawker troll. I love that he says ISIS knows who he is... Dude, even America forgot about your slimy ass.

Isn’t it wonderful how much the frothy mix has declined over these last few years? I take joy in his humiliating numbers.

And I’ve debated Rachel Maddow and won.

“I’ve taken on ISIS and Iran.”

Because the reality stars who do this think they’re speshul. Although in Teresa Guidice’s case, I think she really is that dumb. She probably thought everything hubby was telling her to sign was completely legit.

This show hurts my soul every time I see it on the television. (My wife is the one who watches it.)

I saw this woman and all the other “dance moms” at the Primanti Brothers in Harmarville about a year ago. I had no idea who they were..but they had body guards...at a friggin Primanti’s. And they kept looking around like they wanted people to recognize them. But nobody did. Or nobody cared. I asked someone at the bar…