I always assumed it also has nothing to do with masturbation, unless one is a snickering 14 year old who's never listened to the actual verses. But it sounds like you can explain the riddle to me.

Yet despite the riff really having nothing to do with Japan, it is the part of the song that has the most to do with Japan.

It really just refers to any time the luck of the internet draw saves an AVClub contributor from having to come up with a real article.

As the Gospel says, "Rock me sexy Jesus".

I'm not sure what aspect of civilization or decency best corresponds to the topless towers of Ilium, but he definitely burned it.

How dare he hold occasional opinions not held by his key demographics! How dare he be open in his misanthropy and egotism! The man knows nothing about being a colossal TV phony. He'll never work in this town again.

They are sporadically funny. However, as someone who associates Portlandia with being priced our of Portland (where I was born, not a place I moved as a lifestyle choice), I hail you for your wisdom.

The correct answer, incidentally, is "Donald Trump".

Other then being centered around the word "dick", how does this Bill Maher video support Mr. Pang's point? This really can't be the man at anywhere near his most insufferable.

Just how much more dickish does it make him appear to do his monologues with guests forced to sit awkwardly silent at the table? Please use whatever scale of dickishness you prefer.

I think they put Peter Jackson off Peter Jackson.

Maybe he was just a fan of Greek Tragedy. To excerpt the death of Agamemnon from Aeschylus:

Lack of X-Ray vision or a decent Death Ray really did it in for me. If I'm going to look that stupid it's damned well going to be because I'm a superhero.

Same deal with the H-Bomb. Nobody ever uses them, even though they're way more effective than all these other bombs. Stupid, failing society.

Think of it more as a fund to compensate the rest of his victims.

Really the shocking thing is that none of them got cabinet positions. Yet.

Future generations? Pretty naïve.

Then hail that New Jerusalem of true Christian Virtue!

Please, he thinks it's Anno Domini MCMLIV.

Indeed, let us to arms to drive out this cult of jesuitical, monkish, papistry. Providence shines upon our cause!