“I just purchased and [sic] Alfa Romeo Giulia Sport TI, and when my lease is up on that car. . .”

Pffft! The 1986-87 Pontiac STE 6000s laugh at your puny button display.

The complete and utterly beautiful lack of cladding?

Slow news day?

So. . .a squashed Camaro/Impala/Malibu/Cruze?

But this 4th of July weekend, I think we can give the first one a pass, since it had an Acura badge on our shores. Doesn’t that give it honorary citizenship?

You say that as if it weren’t an actual fact.

And yet, in that dash shot, the interior still looks like a mildly gussied up Ford.

I own a 2014 Q60S. It is almost criminal how awesome that car is.

I posted this already in the general response section but, since you admitted that this was your quest, I’m going to copy it into a reply to you, directly. This is what I wrote:

The new car must get at least 28 mpg highway. Working A/C, Bluetooth radio, remote start, bonus if I can put two kayaks on top easier than the top of a crossover, but not required. Something fun and unique but also reliable. (Like a unicorn, ya know?) 

About 25 years ago, I saw a bicycle messenger get hit by a delivery truck. It happened quite literally in front of me, at State and Jackson (downtown Chicago). I can’t remember who blew the light, and I didn’t stay to see what happened, but the cyclist was making breathing sounds that I didn’t think humans could make,…

I grew up in Chicago. Riding a bicycle (or motorcycle) downtown is insanity unless your life depends on it.

He said “worst”. I’m failing to see the “worst” in what you wrote.

Neutral: impose an excise tax of $100,000 on every SUV. We could call it the Pollution Inhibition Gasoline tax, or PIG tax, for short. 

I mean, this is a parody, right?

Right?

C’mon. It’s a joke already. Lexus is just poking fun at themselves. . .

Right. . . ?

They will if he buys this. He and his entire family will also walk out of the dealership wondering how they got all those tattoos.

A new Camry.

Yes. Exactly.

Leaving those strips on is crass, just like price tags on hats or shoes.