For real, someone get Megs a sling or a bjorn or something... 15ish lbs is a lot to carry around after you’ve just given birth to 10 of it.

Everyone named JesSICA, thanks you for the phonetics.  

I am now going to “ma’am spread” everywhere I go.  Thank you.

At least he didn’t tell her to get the fuck out of his Lincoln:

A gift:

Oh, that’s better than my “if you voted for that thing, drink your own pee”

I totally understand this and it’s not foolish. How we look is important to us, whether we admit it openly or not. I lost the “baby weight” in 6 months the first time; the second time, it took over two years to lose roughly the same amount of weight (65lb gain each time - whoo?).  People could (and did) tell whatever…

One more thing in common than any other stranger you’d meet, yes? I say go for it, but maybe stalk his ex’s social media for red flags like “he tried to murder the cat” or “he voted for trump” ... you know, deal breakers.

Right? Like, just give us our crispy yet impossibly thin chocolately layered sort of slimy ice cream cake tube in a box that you have to slide out horizontally and somehow not smash against the top goodness, wtf.

Truly, it is a thing of dreams. Why must they take everything wonderful away from us... Vienetta... Clearly Canadian... Carinvale.

Look, it’s not like it was the last box of Vienetta in the country, ok?  *sobs*

Meanwhile, a Corpus Christi, Texas Walmart posted security guards armed with squirt guns

It IS very Kelly Bensimon of her. Didn’t she list “Gwyneth” amongst her friends while on Scary Island, and by first name only? Maybe it’s part of a shitty elitist code they learned together while at their annual Big Lady Big Money Retreat, a thing I like to believe all wealthy tall women attend that I totally didn’t…

She wasn’t in that scene with Peter, though.  She enters after he’s already exited to the car with his “mature decision”, yelling “Where’s the kid?” because there actually *was* a room of reporters waiting for him.  

I am consistently reminded of the Thanksgiving episode of Buffy, when Spike sat tied in the chair and said “We Came, We Conquered, We Felt Really Bad About It” ... I am a bad person for laughing.  Also 4th of July for me is mostly “things explode and then they’re pretty” ... again, I am horrible.

I mean, if science is a lie, then fireworks aren’t real, so there’s no reason to go to a fake display of magic, right?  Fire isn’t real, so the food isn’t cooked, which simply isn’t safe.  Sorry, folks.  Boundaries are just like magic, and now that they’ve crossed the boundary line, y’all just disappeared!  ISN’T GOD…

WHAT DID YOU DO RAY

It wasn’t even Earl Gray, it was that goddamn English Breakfast shite

Ok Laurel.

I understand now.  Come to think of it, one of my neighbor’s dogs is kind of an asshole.