Thank YOU for not pointing out my grammar mistake (it’s / its) ... I am for shame.  

I get this.  I used to watch The Ring to fall asleep.

GAH! Also “Wormstache” has been involuntarily absorbed into my lexicon due to it’s sheer and utter awesomeness.  Thank you for that.  :)

Don’t waste your energy. You’re talking to someone with a long history of claiming to be Buddhist while screaming at people who don’t agree with or question her, and making fun of anyone who doesn’t look how they’re “supposed to” in her spectacularly narrow narrative.  

He probably wiped off all her make-up with a wipe he brought himself so their dinner could be “completely open and with no artifice.”

Sure! Does this work?

Same, friend.  I also no longer have the back for shoveling new england snow.  And you could only use that pool in like... August.

Also: it’s listed for $600K and the fireplaces are fucking epic.

No no, we have to try and drown it... if it floats and all that

Sounds like someone got his credit cards taken away and is jonesing for some fheshun.  

Christian Siriano hosted Project Runway Junior, which had one of my all time mic-drop favorite reality television moments - a tween / teen girl had made a dress out of her poems, written down and I think it was cute. Irrelevant. Christian Siriano, when judging the dress, asked her “Is that paper?” She icily stared him…

“ANDRE! WHY did you embarrass me at Red Lobster like that, Andre?!”

If she can handle the energy requirements, German Shepherd / Pitty / Doberman / Rottweiler - two dogs, if she’s going to be out of the house for long stretches, because everyone needs a friend - nobody’s messing with those dogs.

Jesus Christ.  What the fuck.

“SMOKY EYE UPDO GSTAAD!”  ... marry me.  and my husband.  and two kids.  we have dogs.  

I want to see this.  Do I want to see this... ?  Yes.  No.  YES.

I only really look at r/nosleep, because scary stories are the best (as is evidenced) ... and the rest of reddit is bad scary, not fun scary.

these are my favorites:

You know there’s an entire series of those on r/nosleep, yes?  :)  

JFC you’d think that Johnny fellow was Meteor / Short / whomever posing as a dude now. All that’s missing is the RANDOM capitalized words.

See also: abaci.