However, Walker was not in favor of an ultrasound before he takes a dump even though God put the feces there. Typical double standard.

TLC has announced a new show starring David Huckabee and Josh Duggar. It’s The Dog Molesters.

Have someone run their fingernails over a chalk board. No one will know the difference.

Born again Christian fundamentalist — lifelong asshole, member of "Jacking for Jesus" Republican caucus, Family Council for Masturbation, and committed Comb-over for Christ.

"'Fashion Police' was a jewel and the last piece I had of my mother . . ."

Can transport 23 migrant workers in each cheek, 14 barrels of Brent crude in his jowls, and next week fracking starts on his triple chin. Keeps his tiny testicles under his hat and hasn't seen his penis since 1974. Has a favorite cow named Yellow Rose and buys her anniversary gifts and marital aids.

Which holy lube does the Catholic Church recommend for altar boys? Balm of Gilead? St. Silicone of Assisi? Father Flanagan's Anal Oil? Pope Benedict's Cream of Christ? Mother Theresa's Rosary Reamer (now with just a golden drop of Hypocrisy)? or St. Peter's Crowing Cock Spittle?

Hugo's, Eventide, and The Honey Paw —Now serving Small Dicks everywhere. Ask about our Fabulous Tiny Testicles, Tasty Taint, and Amazing Assholes.

Almost as cringe-y as your acting abilities. At least your hair will grow back. No hope on growing talent.

Little Morey was the only Jew in a public school in the second grade. Before the winter holiday break, the teacher asked the kids what they did on Christmas morning.

"I crap my pants five times a day now. Must be that Muslim-Sharia crow I'm constantly eating along with the Tea-Party Bullshit I'm ingesting. Let's see if Ben Carson can beat that!"

I hope the divorce will be as exciting. "Litigation with the Has-beens!"

It's a miracle! Science has created the world's first smiling colostomy bag.

Seeking to draw attention away from her inability to act, her celebrity as shallow, and her equine countenance fit for the Preakness, she wears a hat. Well played, Ms. Parker.

Mariah Cary is as big an attention whore as most fundamentalist preachers. Those celebrities who proclaim their great love for humanity is as empty as those proclaiming God's great love while living personal lives of ostentatious wealth and privilege.

"I'm getting out of the third grade today and Kim has promised me a pony ride!"

Dear ISIS,

After the awards the dress was flown to Nepal where thousands of earthquake victims will be sheltered under the colorful tent.

With this lawsuit I'm hoping Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, Bill Donahue, and Rick Santorum descend into madness. Oops, too late! They already have Jehovah and Jesus rabies.

"girls and women are shunned during their period - some "go out and stay with the cattle,"