St. Louis pizza isn’t really a style so much as it is an abomination on a plate

Because when you have two of the best skill position players in the game, you definitely have to side with your brain-made-of-jelly, held-together-with-duct-tape, soon-to-be-retired, whines-and-throws-everyone-else-under-the-bus, rapist, gray-dicked QB.

Unless one of the prizes is a consequence-free invitation to punch Jake Paul in the face as hard as I can, I’m steering clear.

Ah, good. So Tim Couch is the best QB in Cleveland Browns franchise history then.

I hope whatever brain cells you have left survive the celebration!

Does that mean he gets to wear the turnover chain?

Ugh, guess we have to put ANOTHER last name in masking tape on the back of the jersey...

YES, why are we assuming this ref, who called a black person the N-word, is a racist?

Zydeco Gumbo’s notes:

I trust the player. I also trust that the Venn diagram circle of “people who would film an NFL player threatening to beat their ass and then gleefully send the footage over to TMX” probably lies completely inside the circle of people who would use a racial slur to provoke said NFL player.

I am a white, American male who has never even seen a Bollywood film before, and I still understand that the Jonas Brother is Pete Davidson to Pryanka’s Ariana Grande. Besides that, I’m pretty sure people are free to marry whoever the hell they want and I don’t really think a necessary function of the American media…

Or more likely it’s his way of saying “please do not kill any of my family members because I decided not to attend the school you grew up near.”

Yes, but due to logistical reasons the tattoos are theirs to keep.

Clearly Deadspin’s thought process was “Saints and Seahawks fans wouldn’t give a shit if we posted a picture of him in their uniform, so it’s gotta be the Pats baby!”

I think people are just saving the Joe Mixon comparisons for when Kareem Hunt signs a contract with the Bengals.

Big Ben struggles in an area of the country notable for having attractive females. (Yes, I realize the data goes back far before Big Ben, but also... Big Ben has a wandering grey penis)

Refs make terrible calls every day, you don’t see a Serena-level meltdown every day.

Kind of weird for the Browns to be mad at someone who was dumped by Cleveland and immediately went to Cincinnati to continue their football career, considering they are still named “the Browns.”

Truth. Gruden’s shitty coaching at least hasn’t gotten anyone killed, yet.

That woman is not taking the steaks home to her dog, she is using them to feed her entire family. She probably doesn’t even have a dog.