I think you just described the Hunger Games...

Well, at least I can see #4 not being wrong...

“No one put a gun to Bell’s head and forced him to sign the contracts.”

So I assume he’s already got a doctor’s note in the works to get him out of playing both Bengals games this year?

When I think about the Vikings, the first thing that pops into my head was a gross, extremely inebriated woman in a Vikings starter jacket that kept shoving her hand down the front of her husband’s pants and would then look around and tell anyone giving her a side-eye to fuck off.

Re: the picture of the shoes on fire... are we sure he did that on purpose to protest Nike or did he just make three consecutive baskets in NBA Jam?

I live in Chicago and my team came to visit in September the year before the Cubs got good. The stadium was half empty. I bought the tickets on Stubhub, great seats. My buddy bought me a beer and we were even. But yeah, great fans.

The current most hated player by the Pittsburgh Steelers and their fans is probably Vontaze Burfict. They fail to realize that they are essentially a team of 53 Vontaze Burficts.

Do we know how he got caught? I have a feeling that Sonoiki turned him in, after realizing that instead of Eagles tickets, all Kendricks would be able to offer him in exchange for hot tips are Browns tickets.

Or a write-up of a concert: “They played some songs, using drums, guitars and keyboards. A few of them were from the new album but then later they concluded with some of the biggest hits from their early records. I guess you had to be there?

Rick Reilly had a job as a sportswriter for decades, and I’m pretty sure his TV did not switch from the golf channel once during the last ten years.

Man, as a Bengals fan, did we just have our under-the-radar best season of the 21st century? We received top billing in TWO different teams’ editions of WYTS, and avoided having our usual wild card playoff round loss to the Texans 3rd-string QB. No wonder we had to bring Marvin back!

Awesome, thanks!

The headline says “How to get six months of Apple Music for free through Verizon,” and unless I missed it, still waiting for those instructions...

I know, right? There’s no way the Packers had a successful goal line stand to close out a game.

Look, we all know Joe Flacco sucks, Jalen. The question you are supposed to answer is: is he elite?

You are assuming way too much that the Browns actually know what the hell they’re doing.

I also thought it was pretty messed up when Deadspin suspended Tom Brady for four games. But at least they didn’t take away his chew toys.

So he was professional in the interview, and the only evidence of any bitterness is the time at which he held his press conference?

I don’t blame these kids at all for trying to make some money. Most college athletes receive a free education as compensation for their services, but they go to North Carolina.