Merci. He wasn’t even figuratively better than perfect, unless you subject the word “perfect” to some serious Clinton/Dolezal/Armstrong/Te’o -type distortion.

No, you’re depraved until disproved!

“Gee,” you ask?

Yep. But the more interesting stat would be how the fates of guilty athletes and guilty non-athletes compare. (Or non-guilty vs. non-guilty, for that matter.)

With Detroit’s stellar credit history, this should be a marriage made in heaven.

Is that the circle where you have terminal rectal itch and nothing but glass shards for toilet paper?

Sad to say, you could substitute all sorts of things - starting with “food” or “medicine” - for “sports” and your proposition would still be true...

Knowing that Jack Warner relies on The Onion for his current events information, my guess is that he squirreled the money into a fund to support Haiti’s Olympic bid, which had recently been reported by the Onion in 2009.

He forgot Russian and Klingon.

Haha!

FIFA fixing? Yes.

Good article. Keep us posted?

You’re the only one who picked the Pirates’ Sex Donut. Kudos.

How about posting your favorite things you wrote before you became Deadspin staffers?

Hmm. Now I’m curious.

Got names and matching evidence? The first 10,000 who come to mind would be sufficient.

Some folks just can’t digest it.

No, I think he told his hired help to take his Buick and go buy him some Funyuns, but all he got was a stinking US newspaper that never tells the truth about anything. Sheesh!

It’s uplifting to know there are investigative reporters around who doggedly construct paper trails that expose corruption (of which many insiders are aware but don’t disturb for fear of losing a meal ticket, or worse).

Also, I forgot it wasn’t his car. The rental agreement might address his privacy and other rights under various circumstances.