I'll try my best to address what I think you are saying here:

" There has yet to be a smartwatch that doesn't need to be charged at least once a day...."

is a Pebble no longer considered a smart watch? because that lasts around 4 days on a full charge

"There has yet to be a smartwatch that doesn't need to be charged at least once a day..."

I can tell you what I'd like to be able to do: Schedule an appointment.

People mention a lot of like, I don't know, checking the weather and asking trivia questions and that sort of technology parlor trick stuff they show off in demos, but who is actually asking Google Now those kind of questions? Even responding to a text with voice is only rarely useful since you need to know exactly…

Bought a Sony Smartwatch 3 last week and I'm in love with it. It's simplified so many use cases for me:

I don't think that's douchey at all. In fact, we will likely be smartwatch twins on some level.

I await the smart underwear... since my penis makes most of my decisions anyway, I may as well use it to control my music, browsing, and hell.. even gaming :)