Can Alex Gordon walk and chew gum at the same time? Yes. Yes, he can.

Ah, September baseball storylines. As a Nats fan, it’s good seeing the Dodgers’ mortality exposed going into this postseason, but not getting my hopes up.

These cops are missing out on the only chance they’ll get this year to watch the undefeated Cleveland Browns.

Should be distributed as an “inheritance” to all children in society, regardless of which household they were born into.

This is a better idea than banning legacy admissions.

“we can meet in centerfield”

So Giancarlo Stanton would be a good tweet slashline?

I wonder how Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black) does it. Or the Simpsons voice actors. People who switch back and forth easily.

Somebody out there is going, “That wall needs some Ivy.”

Let’s take a moment and admire that perfectly composed photo by Dylan Buell. The shadow. The angle of lighting showing off the contact with the wall.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

Reminds me of the Orioles’ empty stadium game after the Freddy Gray riots in Baltimore. The show must go on, I guess.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism

Tom Llamas would have tweeted his displeasure at Harriet Tubman’s constantly jaywalking.

Tom Llamas stands in the produce section waiting to narc on anyone who tries the grapes before buying.

This right here. The tweet is insanely bragging about the most unhelpful thing you can do in a disaster like this.

Do you taste grapes before you buy them?

In fairness, Stafford is more likely to turn into 2016 Matt Ryan than Matt Ryan was.

The devastation of this flood really got to former NBA great Michael Jordan, who was spotted sobbing uncontrollably.

Not at all racist.