Rob Ford shall rise from the depths of the pacific ocean and begin his destruction of Japan.

And to think there were some who speculated that Ford would never run again.

Um, only if there's an afterlife, what with her being dead at that point.

So I guess it's official now: Barbara Walters is our crazy great-grandmother.

Maybe not. Remember when Madonna deigned to see Twelve Years A Slave in the theater and called someone a slaver for shushing her? This may be a clear sign of the recession, when our generation's greatest divas are forced to watch movies in a room full of people, like a peasant.

My main confusion is—Babs couldn't get a screener to watch in the privacy of her home? Really? I feel like that would just be de rigeur, but any industry people want to correct me?

Yes. It would be "have him or her checked for dementia".

If anyone wrote to an advice column about their elderly relative acting like that, they'd be told to get them to a doctor ASAP.

This is the wrong way to go about things in a meme-wielding, internet-connected, Reddit-infested world. They're playing with the Streisand Effect here.

Also: I cannot believe for a second that Will Smith would be caught in flagrante delicto with a female. Unpossible. I can't even imagine him having sex with his own wife and they have what, twelve kids? That man is gay.

She had to have eye surgery because she couldn't see. Poor Renee.

I think they just meant her "natural bone structure". LOL

Geez man, when you start to hear all these stories of what a weird old creep Alan Thicke was back in the 80s, it's just like NO WONDER Kirk Cameron went all super Jesus on everybody. Shit, no wonder.

Ugh, if he's gonna rip off Marvin Gaye, can't his dad rip off Senior?

Too bad there weren't any cops there to put a stop to this.

Have you looked for professional help?
Why do you feel that you could eventually be a danger to your closed ones? Have you had any thoughts on doing something to them? I know this isn't the best place to ask questions like this, but your comment left me worried. I so wish I could help you (I'm a doctor in real life).…

Johnny Carson probably would have been a pretty solid deadspin commenter.

Meader, schmeader. It's been years since I've been asked to do my Archduke Ferdinand impression.

a shell of a man fighting for his career, bombing spectacularly on national television