“... so perhaps they ought to be looking around for an asshole with trichinosis?”

I'm 31 and unmarried but I've been slowly accumulating Le Creuset and All Clad pans because I figure even if I don't get married I deserve the good pans.

No, those are whip-its. You know Martha isn’t going to be hiding her party favors.

Oh, also, he released an album that he tried to pass off as a mixtape after it went triple aluminum foil, selling 2,200 copies in its first week.

Speaking from the rural Deep South: Southerners do NOT eat lamb. You can’t even find it in the grocery stores down here.

“Lost in Shangri-La” was fantastic.

“Lost in Shangri-La” was fantastic.

Pumpkin pie is terrible. In the pie hierarchy, it is one step up from mincemeat pie which is right at the bottom.

Oh, my God. I legit love this movie. Like, if this was streaming somewhere, this would be playing in my house 24/7. My boyfriend would likely leave me but it would be worth the sacrifice.

Peter Sagal, the host of Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me! got co-writer credit on the script and wrote the first draft that became this movie (Dirty Dancing definitely wasn’t the plan) and talked about it in a great This American Life segment:

My dream marriage definitely includes separate bathrooms and maybe separate apartments.

“Saylor James Cutler”

Each troop determines its own activities focus, so no, it isn’t hard at all. All they need is one parent to start a new troop.

here is my two cents nobody asked for: Not quite sure why the Unicorns can’t just form their own Girl Scout troop and do outdoor stuff with girls their own age. The whole point of these organizations is to develop skills and friendships among a gender-specific peer group. If you don’t want to participate according to…

I haven’t tried hers, but sweet potato pie is amazing - like pumpkin pie but way better. It’s one of those things that I really miss when I don’t live in the south.

these dresses are putting the maid in bridesmaid...

This is where the maaagic haaaappens.” Then she shoots me a get-real look. “Literally zero magic has happened in here.” She holds up her glass in a toast: “Cheers to my hymen growing back!”

Seriously, all I could think was:

If done properly, the children will be Jewish.

see this kind of story is why I lose my mind if my period’s two weeks late even though I haven’t seen a dick in a year

BE...OPPRESSIVE! B-E...OPPRESSIVE! B-E O-P-P R-E-S-S-I-V-E!