Same un-feels for kiddy-wanting:( But I was thinking the exact same thing. And I’ll bet the quiet one in the middle invented something kick-ass we have yet to acknowledge

This had wonderful shades of Sedaris and I enjoyed it very much. I now have another thing to add to my Iceland bucket list, after petting a small pony and trying all the weird hot dog stands.

I often fantasize about having a small dinner party with him, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Rachel Maddow, and Stephen Colbert.

An offense that totally justifies a dumping. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to get the right damn cookies.

I like to think that if I had eleventy billion dollars and wanted cookies, I wouldn’t eat cookies made out of prepackaged dough.

But if you don’t post every bit of your life to Instagram are you really living?

also was just thinking how men with huge cocks aren’t told “oh you have redundant penile tissue.” Everyone’s just “high five for your monster dong!” Shouldn't we women also be praised for being well endowed in our genital region?

Long labia haver here. I have never not once felt uncomfortable with my crotchal area in yoga pants. Literally everyone in my yoga class is packing a spandex burger. Doesn't matter.

The kids in private schools get quiet and concentration.

a 14 year old woman

This is possibly the first time I’ve ever wanted to hang out with Kim Kardashian. Love this so hard.

I went to a 2 million dollar wedding, bride’s dress alone cost over $100k. She threw up down the front of it at the reception.

Hey my cats went to NYU and took law classes! They got purrrfect grades, too.

If there’s a market for Velveeta and non-dairy coffee creamer, you cannot tell me that the taste *has* to be spot-on. Make it cheap enough, and people will accept close enough.

You need to stop communicating with this man. He's cheating on his wife and you're not moving on with your life.

We got Fingered twice today!?!?! wait that came out wrong...

I live in Seattle so I can’t have that coat made of a peacock, but omg.

even the worst cookie is still a cookie!

I actually don’t like chocolate so I use my awesome chocolate chip cookie recipe and omit the chips. I know, I’m a monster.

my mom was in a secret society at yale and she refuses to tell me anything about it and forbade me from joining the columbia chapter. i’m hoping she’s compiled a seriously juicy diary or something to give me on her deathbed, because otherwise, what’s the point of being in a secret society at yale?