Stick your dick in a power outlet

There’s a scene at the beginning of Now, Voyager where Claude Rains is in Bette Davis’ bedroom and asks for a cigarette. She gets angry because she was tying to keep her smoking a secret. But all I could think was “her bedroom probably smells like an ashtray. I doubt he had to go full Sherlock Holmes to figure it…

That’s what I always thought about Mad Men. “Man, I bet that office smells like complete shit.” Never mind Betty lighting up in bed in the middle of the night.

My wife and I have started doing this when losing board games.

Just give any subgroup some power and respect for some time. They’ll get a sense of entitlement, and they’ll invariably turn into assholes.

‘80s jocks were right - nerds are bad fucking news.

I’m sorry for how deeply, deeply stupid you turned out to be in your adult life.

More like supplements are making them nuts shrink...

^^This!^^

+20 pepperpots!

IT IS NOT AS GOOD AS THE ONE I HAVE IN MY HEAD.

Just yelled that to the drive-thru guy at Wendy’s.

Clearly this one is about the Cola Wars.

I’ve been through three of these mergers. The smallest was $6 billion and the largest was $30 billion. I’m actually a year into my second retention agreement from the last one. The human cost of these suck. I have been through several rounds of layoffs. Most put on a brave face, but you can see the toll it takes…

Just another gentle reminder of who we are dealing with: