Precocious 10-year-old doomed to grow up to be huge douchebag. 

Burn your phone and salt the Earth so that nothing fell may grow in its resting place?

Sara? Get me Montpelier! 

I’d only be surprised if he could find it to photograph it. 

Does this mean we’re all gonna get Dolt 45's cellphone number? 

That sucks, I’m sorry. I was blazing through Kansas on my way to a hospital in Illinois when I got the call that my mom had died. I don’t know whether I would’ve rather been in the room with her or not.

Ugh, Film Theory. The pinnacle of “Look how smart I am and how loud I can yell!!” youtube dreck.

Or an explosion.

We’re off to a hell of a start, aren’t we? 

Reading? I doubt that. 

instantrimshot.com

As long as I can continue to think he’s a middling comedian with an ego that far outstrips his talent. 

Thank you for proving my point. 

It kept Norm employed for years. 

Pure sass! 8 ingredients!

The horror! More non-white people!

As a white male whose fragile ego pops like a soap bubble every time he’s exposed to the fact that not everyone else in the world is also a white male, I applaud the actions of these brave souls fighting every day to insulate me from reality.

Good to know. But at a distance, it’s tough to distinguish them from the low-profile lightbars cops use today. 

Do you even need to ask? The rich, smooth taste of Camels suits my T-zone to a tee!

Circulate these flyers!