Someday, after I become ridiculously wealthy and successful, I will throw a fabulous annual holiday party called Fifth Christmas and only children whose parents are divorced will be allowed to come. And we will drink and be merry and bitch about our parents.

Yeah, he was, which makes sense re: the birthday thing.

He was a Jehovah’s Witness and they don’t celebrate birthdays. He was a convert and you know how jealous they can be.

I’m pretty sure that, here in Chicago at least, it started out as a summer marketing campaign by Stoli, who went around to every bar and gave out free cases of those copper mugs.

Raccoons are ingenious and have opposable thumbs.

omg the little piglet! He’s scared to get in there. Let him in!

Raccoons are mean motherfuckers man.

Got my cat in a similar way. I was living in Japan at the time, driving my 2008 Civic Type R, kitten I’m the middle of a 4 lane 50kph road. Stopped and tried to get him off the road, thought he ran away. He actually wedged himself in between my firewall and engine. Now I didn’t drive 300 miles, but got home that night…

Considering the modern image of Santa Clause was invented by Coca-Cola....

Goddamnit. I seriously can’t remember a day in the last month where I haven’t hated humanity at least once.

Buc-ees bathrooms are beautiful.

Agreed. To me, this is a win-win. If we discover that the original results were accurate, great—voters who previously questioned the results can feel more secure in the outcome. If we turn up any discrepancies (whether its hacking, illegal ballot tampering, or even simple human error) — even if they don’t change the…

Would a recount catch any hacking issues?

Low tolerance for narcissists who think being cute and “quirky” makes it okay to be self-centered and oblivious? I tried, and I do not understand the appeal. The characters are all either oblivious assholes or the pushovers the oblivious assholes treat like garbage.

Maybe because Negan reminds us a little too much of a certain person who was recently elected? I like to work out my anxiety by getting scared of imaginary zombies, not have it amplified by getting scared of an imaginary dictatorial narcissist.

Waters is high on the list of “People I want to get super drunk with”.

Move to Baltimore! He’s a staple around town and I’ve yet to meet a person who’s had a bad encounter with him. He was very nice to my sister as she checked out his groceries.

Thanks. I’m gonna try my best with it. It’s easy to hear, harder to show, but I honestly believe that the complaints listed in the article isn’t the main draw for Conan and this stuff can easily work in 2016 without needing to resort to 1930's sexism.

Because vagina.

Because misogyny.