Dear sirs - I am too lazy to do any reporting. I would rather simply serve as a stenographer. However please help me hide my laziness by appearing before me in person when uttering the inanities I am to transcribe.

For my lifetime, it has largely been taken as fact that unbridled capitalism is what makes America great. As a nation, we had confidence the invisible hand of the free market would always steer our society in the direction of progress. The joke is on us. It turns out that there are so many things done in the name of…

There's nothing wrong with dating a 49er, but apparently it means you will get seated at the worst table in the restaurant. 

I think what people are mad about today is simple: up until now the Trump presidency has been a stain on America...one that will take a long time to erase, but as of today things are different: the fate of our democracy has teetered into serious jeopardy.

A perfect game is perfect because no batters reached base. Defining it as facing 27 batters is as arbitrary as the rule you argue against. You might as well celebrate a pitcher who faces exactly 29 batters.

30 million dollars? Did Thompson really have that much cash on hand to lend to a friend? Did Irsay really ask for the loan?

I’m about through with the NFL. The increased speed and size of the players have turned “big hits” of yesteryear into “violent assaults” today. Games are now crossing the line from exciting to repulsive.

Kudos to Bonnie for walking away after landing in the coffee aisle. But, I have to question Clyde’s choice of a weapon. Why choose the Doritos when Snickers bars were within easy reach?

The dems dont have the balls to do this. THe republicans would in a second.

Wait...what? He has an M.D., but he’s out there bashing heads with Joey Bosa?

Yeah, no. It’s reasonable to expect to detain someone when there is a marked border, otherwise it’s not. How on earth would a pedestrian in the Peach Arch area be expected to know there’s a border?

Yeah, the tone of discourse regarding the president has fundamentally changed and sunk to new low levels, thanks to having a despicable person in office. There’s no going back, no matter how virtuous the next president is.

Never mind the running. Here’s what I want to know: Now that he’s a head coach, will Matt Patricia continue to wear his hat backwards?

What comes next? Will Trump promise to wash the dishes for every black person in America for the next month?

How do expect people to stop crying long enough to type in a comment? How did we ever deserve to have such a good person as our president? By comparison, can you imagine anyone ever sincerely saying “It’s an honor to meet you” to our current president?

He has given us so many reasons to be ashamed we’re Americans over the past year and a half, but he may have hit a new low here.

So the 1000 Eagles fans who are planning to attend and expect to see the Eagles, will instead be treated to the sight of Trump singing the national anthem? Whoever at the White House thought Eagles fans would be ok with that disappointment is obviously not familiar with the Santa Claus story.

Of course he didn’t realize the game was tied. But, why is it so important to people that he admit that? You don’t think he feels bad enough already? This is not journalism, it’s an outright attack on the poor guy. Geez, let it go.

I dunno. I’m no basketball expert, but from what I can tell, there is a foul on nearly every scoring play near the basket. With all those fouls, messing up a few here and there makes, percentage-wise, little difference. If you want to start worrying about whether some fouls were incorrectly called, you need to first…

I think you have it backwards. It’s the owners who are introducing a political event into the workplace, by playing the national anthem and demanding a demonstration of obedience to the state.