I think it’s like Madame Tussauds was sweeping the hip-hop section and just shoved them all together for a moment.

Is anyone else not only not shocked that Diddy is 50, but surprised he’s not older?  Dude was on like his 3rd rebranding in the 90s.

The thought bubble above all their heads:

But alas, all the plastic surgery in the world and she can’t transplant a personality or a modicum of intelligence into that empty soulless shell of a human being.

He gifted her a family tartan from Scotland. I don’t know many Scots, but the ones I do know have inferred that’s a ... not insignificant gift ...?

I’m an adult who doesn’t want any ones bare ass in my face at a sports event. Twerk or no twerk. We already get to see this level of “please look at me” at the beach, and from thirsty ass celebrities on red carpets. When did not being a prude turn into hanging out ones whole ass with a string over their anus in a…

Our country is a cesspool of corruption, my kid is failing math, and last night I dreamed Nazis broke into my grandparents’ house to look for me, but Jesus gave me chubby, silver Kanye West and Twitter to make up for it.

Yeah, I tend to feel like if she wants to put her uncovered bits on a seat of unknown germs and grime, that’s her prerogative. I am far more troubled for the next sitter who has no idea that someone’s bare butt was all over that seat before they came along.

A few years ago, the teen set around here was wearing those shorts where the the crotch was hike dway up into yeast infection territory and several inches of cheekage hung out below. Which, fine I guess. But I started to hate this trend when I went to a diner one morning and saw some girl wearing these vag shorts and s…

I think about this ALL the time when seeing women with short shorts sitting on subway seats. 

I have a roll of quilt batting in the corner of my sewing room that looks just like those trees.

I love how interior designers, stylists etc must think, “these people can be conned into almost any batshit crazy idea, and Mama needs a trip to Tahiti”. 

for those “heavy flow” days

I hate lawns. They’re biologically dead areas, the grass doesn’t have flowers and is designed to suffocate all other plants that try to grow in the over-fertilized soil. No flowering plants means no bugs, no bugs means no birds. You might as well pave the whole area. I get that lawns are great in parks and such, but…

That press conference was incredibly unhinged. And I would know unhinged, because Trump has been on my TV way too much for approximately the past 400 years.

I’m sorry- Sara Lee’s parent company is Bimbo Bakeries?, I feel like if the writers had that knowledge the sketch would be even better.

Bimbo is going to own the world one day.

Yeah I think they’re likely dead if the stems are mushy - when they froze the water inside each cell expanded and broke the cell walls (like when you freeze veggies and then thaw them again). But, the roots might not be all dead, since soil is insulating if it's dry enough, so you can try bringing them inside, cutting…

The best English food I’ve discovered are the simple Ploughman’s lunch with Branston pickle and Cornish Pastys.

Alison Roman is extremely popular with a certain type of late 20s/early 30s girl who came of age during the low-cal craze of the late 90s/2000s and then the overly complex pinterest recipe era of the early 2010s. For these women her recipes are a revelation - food can be simple, indulgent and fun? Who knew?! But for…