Is it a day that ends with "day?"

So when you gonna buttchug some bourbon?

I like my pizza like I like my whiskey: in my belly.

APRIL FOOLS DAY WAS ON WEDNESDAY, YOU DUMB IDIOTS.

Why, that would be positively Christ-like!!

I'm pretty sure it's listed as cardinal sin somewhere in the Bible.

He's touring with Amanda Palmer just because he wanted it to be the most insufferable tour ever.

I guess a follow up question would be "how the hell do these bigots have so much money??"

Who knew that the fastest way of making $500k would be getting money from bigots?

I really, really recommend looking at a picture of the guy. It can be two things, so I'm going to say he's a huge narcissist with a mental disorder.

This crap gets rebooted but Andy Richter Controls the Universe remains cancelled? There truly is no justice in the world.

BEADS?!

Who knew that writing an editorial over 53 numbered tweets could convey a message better and more coherently while allowing for nuance?

This is good! Much better than Oswalt's take!

I figure it'll be crappy.

Duck Hunt Dog is really fun to play as!

[chanting]

BUT WILL PIT PAT RETURN??

And a Polo sweater vest at that!

That's cool.