I mean, I do think it is true to some degree. Like, my partner and I can have mutually enjoyable sex if I don’t go down on him, but we cannot have mutually enjoyable sex if he doesn’t go down on me (or otherwise stimulate me, but oral sex works best). I still do go down on him, because I like to make him feel good,…

I personally didn’t used to like it until I had a partner who legitimately enjoyed it and would request to stay down there longer, after I had faked an orgasm so he would stop. It kind of got me out of my own head, so that I was able to actually orgasm from oral sex.

I mean, we just clearly disagree on this. If you talk frankly to your partner about what you want, and they say they need time to think about it, I think it is perfectly reasonable to then say, “OK, but you can’t have forever, so let’s set a reasonable time frame.” And if the thing you want is non-negotiable for you,…

I do agree with that! I’m definitely not saying that a relationship wherein one party is basically lying to the other to string them along is worth saving, but I definitely know that people get involved in less-than-optimal relationships at various points in their lives. I guess my thinking is that ultimatums of the…

OK, I see that you are determined to make me out to be a sad, lonely creature in a pathetic, hateful marriage just for the show of it...just like all married people, I guess...so I think I will draw the line here.

Oh I see. I thought your response was denying that you had pooped on other people’s choices. I didn’t realize you had acknowledged that you shouldn’t have done that. I appreciate your concern about me having to convince myself of something!

Oh yeah, those realtionships are totally inegalitarian, and the women in question had very little power and probably wouldn’t have been able to leave. But I think that a lot of the comments here are picturing perfectly upstanding guys in relationships with shrieking harpies hell-bent on marriage, and I don’t think…

Oh sure, those are absolutely great reasons. Just the reason “I didn’t really feel like it” is a perfectly fine reason not to get married. It’s the part where you say you find it phony and full of show, and that married people are somehow not waking up every morning and making the commitment to be together…

It’s possible that we just have basically different definitions of an ultimatum, because to me, having the conversation and saying, “you have time to think over your answer, but not forever, and if your answer is no, then I am leaving” still counts. But yes, I totally agree that is the way to do it versus simply out…

Hahaha now I want to start referring casually to my whole marriage as “a fun cheap little excursion.”

I do feel like people are wilfully ignoring the fact that some men (and women!) do stay in relationships they don’t see as long-term until something better comes along. These aren’t good men (or women), and you are definitely better off if they choose the “get off the pot” end of the ultimatum, but that is absolutely…

I think it depends on why? Like, if my now-husband had said, “Look, I am committed to you, but I feel strongly about never getting married because of xyz,” I would have been totally fine with that. But if he had said, “Ehhh, I don’t know, I am really happy with the status quo. Maybe let’s think about it later?” that…

It sounds like they did, though? I mean, don’t get me wrong, the tone of that xojane article totally rubbed me the wrong way. But it does sound like they had had numerous conversations about being married and having children, just not about what the specifics of the proposal timeline were.

On the one hand, I am totally with you; saying yes is obviously choosing long-term commitment. Hell, building a life together, like they have, is a pretty long-term commitment!

I never understand this attitude. It is fine and great that you and your partner are doing what works for you! Have at it! Enjoy your life! I’ve just never understood why you would have to poop on other people’s choices in order to do so.

But I think that he is choosing to be with her in a long-term way, by...currently being with her in a long-term way. I mean, I get what she is saying, because we all have that inside of us going, “You aren’t worthy; no one really loves you.” But they have a mortgage, for crying out loud! They have a life together. If…

I was walking with my now-husband in a shopping centre and turned to him suddenly and said, “I think I’m going to marry you.” The thought had just occured to me with supreme clarity - like, I had thought about it before and was pretty sure about it a couple months in, but all of a sudden, I was like, “Oh wow, this is…

I think that a lot of men actually want to do the proposing? Like, my husband really wanted to propose to me, not out of some misplaced sense of masculine pride, but because it was something that he valued doing and had always vaguely wanted to do. I think that he felt that men didn’t have a lot of opportunities for…

I disagree (depending on the relationship). If the deal is actually that you want to get married as a gesture of commitment, or you want to leave and be free to find a person who is willing to commit to you, then I think an ultimatum is appropriate (following on conversations, etc.). So, like, if a man or a woman is…

Aside from the fact that marriage is important to me - which it is - these smug comments about how marriage doesn’t matter ignore the fact that it absolutely does. Being my husband’s wife means that people view me very differently in a lot of situations. This is made more significant by the fact that we are young-ish…